Female sit-round gathering

To feel lonely it is possible both in crowd, and on work, and in a family, and even alone with favourite: This feeling depends not on an environment, not from quantity of friends or foes, and first of all from structure of the person. It is the most easier to illustrate different estimations of loneliness on an example of the so-called introvert and the extrovert. Certainly, it is simplified enough scale, but basically it is possible to tell so: the introvert is a transcendental object, it is turned in own person, and the extrovert constantly aspires to be in public (for such as speak, on the world and the death is red).

And so. The loneliness in crowd actually is possible only for the introvert: the extrovert bystrenko will converge practically with everyone, and that is important, it will be satisfied quite with enough superficial acquaintance. The extrovert talks to strangers in transport is more often, to the extrovert most easier to get acquainted in the street - because it does not apply at all for deep and long dialogue. To it change of impressions and while round it there are people is important - he will not suffer from loneliness. Moreover, by and large it is even not obligatory to it to start conversation - enough that is so much people simply on him look!

And here it is important to introvert to have one-two<верных друзей>, it is desirable same on character, as it. At such<приятелей> process of dialogue sometimes passes interestingly enough: they sit in one room (or breathe from two ends of a wire in a telephone tube) - and are silent. It they communicate. And such dialogue quite suffices them - it after all conversation, and sensation of that the friend nearby is important not. It is important to know, that there is a possibility to the friend to call - and actually to call and it is not obligatory. For this reason introverts start to feel lonely when lose for whatever reasons the checked up friend - and the new acquaintance so close to get quickly it very difficultly, and sometimes and it does not turn out at all. After all unlike the extrovert who will find dialogue everywhere where is though any people, to the introvert to establish mutual understanding difficult.
But as is known, pure extroverts and introverts does not happen. All of us to some extent<смешанные>. For this reason practically all people in this or that situation though time yes felt the loneliness:
It is interesting, that the greatest percent of lonely people give: the big cities. The life in a megacity separates its inhabitants, instead of pulls together. On the statistican in any large city very small percent kokrennyh (in the third-fourth generation) townspeople. All ostalknye - migrants: that is those who has once got over in the big city from other places. And let even they have lived all life in this city, let even radical townspeople of a steel their children and grandsons - all the same people in families store traditions and foundations which have absorbed with milk of mother on<земле предков>. And these traditions transfer to the descendants. That is the following pokoklenija is brought up in the spirit of those places, whence profits once their grandfathers and fathers. But in each village, in each settlement and gokrodke there are established norms of behaviour, the dialect, the sign language and acts, clear only to local residents... Therefore many townspeople have difficulties with dialogue, with a finding of the adequate partner. In summary the big cities beat all records on kolikchestvu lonely people.

The loneliness is dangerous that it is very frequent not zamekchaesh, yet will not remain alone with itself at night in pusktoj to apartment. In the same way, as in day krugoverti we forget, for example, about a toothache. And here at night when us distracts nothing, we feel, how the damned tooth aches and aches, I will simply rescue is not present!. In the same way people do not feel the loneliness until the working day will end: but when streets will become empty, friends-friends will run up on the houses, phone - here will become silent then willy-nilly it is necessary to face with own neprikajannostju... Therefore also there were in cities night clubs where it is possible to continue dialogue after the working day that though for a while to get rid of oppressive feeling of loneliness. There is also one more specifically city phenomenon - so-called<вечерний звон>: gorozhakne pathologically overload phones in the evening. In general, phone in a large city - is not so much intermedium, how many dialogue means. And one of the most important measures of preventive maintenance depresksy and suicides of inhabitants<каменных джунглей> - objazatelknoe phone presence in each apartment.

But loneliness - not always angrily. There are situations, when to people (one is more rare, another to a thicket) it is necessary to stay alone with itself. And it is possible to speak about a loneliness problem when this condition is tightened contrary to your desire - differently when the person starts to suffer from loneliness. In psychology there is a concept<сенсорная депривация> (or emotionally-information hunger). If the person is deprived necessary for it on structure of the person of quantity of the dialogue, necessary vital impressions, it can have problems both psychological, and psychiatric, and somatic character. All because it starves in the most natural image on dialogue, under the information.

And suffering from loneliness - not that other, as display touch deprivatsii in this or that kind (easier speaking - shortage of this or that type of information or impressions). Any - visual, verbal (verbal) and even tactile (touches). Here again we have approached to the answer to a question how to get rid of loneliness: in the beginning it is necessary to define precisely, WHICH information, does not suffice WHICH impressions you, and this lack to fill. For this reason it is useless to the lonely person to advise to go to any club or to get the new girl-friend. Important correctly to define and satisfy that channel touch deprivatsii on which shortage of impressions is felt - because action in an incorrect direction can strengthen still unpleasant feelings and lead to even more pitiable consequences.

Happens, that the person not in a condition straight off to define, what exactly in a life does not suffice it. Here the most widespread example: the complaint to the loneliness, caused by absence of the sexual partner (and it is unimportant, from the man it proceeds or from the woman). Like it would be possible to think, that the person needs to satisfy the physiological requirements. And if to dig more deeply - search of the sexual partner can be caused and a lack of usual touches, and requirement for feeling of security, and fear to sleep to one, and thirst of bright love emotions - but only not sex in its physiological sense. We will tell, often man, to whom tactile impressions are required (such in the childhood as speak,<мама недотискала>), drags in bed almost each counter lady, has a reputation for the philanderer and the profligate - and to it caresses and embraces (by the way, with sexual function thus it can have problems - only because sex in the pure state is not too necessary to it) are only necessary. As a result of the lady start to jump aside from it - a pier, the profligate, moreover and the lover unimportant: As a result the man begins kompleksovat, and disposals of loneliness to it its rough private life, naturally, does not bring.

In general, when the person searches at all for what does not suffice it, tries to fill in a life at all that niche - it is no wonder, that its searches do not give it desirable result. And the feeling of loneliness becomes even stronger. And only it is necessary - to go on a true way and to find adequate ways of the decision<проблемы одиночества>. We will tell, if at you tactile hunger - it is possible to be arranged, for example, in a circle of dances or to pass massage courses (where cadets practically without fail practise the friend on the friend). The feeling of safety can be got, having established a reliable door and lattices on windows, and it is even better - to get a dog. If you do not have not enough bright, strong experiences - can be, it is just necessary to go to theatre or cinema (not to look a videocassette or performance on the TV and to observe of action together with others - so your experiences become even brighter) more often. But it only approximate recommendations: each separate case needs to be assorted more in detail.

It is better not to start a condition touch deprivatsii, not to aggravate feeling of loneliness. After all in the started condition any problem dares more difficult. At the person it starts to be shown destruktsija behaviour, ability to an establishment of interpersonal communications (differently, it becomes absolutely not contact and gets a difficult character) worsens. The people suffering from touch deprivatsii, often have problems in business only because he with the business partner speaks about everything, only not about business. By the way, businessmen who conclude the bargain at restaurant accompanied by alcohol, as a rule, both experience difficulties in dialogue - as they say, there were two loneliness. They, if will not drink, cannot at all about what speak: By the way, it is frequent people in general start to drink, that<залить> the feeling of loneliness. Or to join as equal in any warm drunk kompashku
Therefore important correctly to define, if want, FROM WHICH LONELINESS of what deficiency of impressions you need to get rid. And it is incorrect to think, that the best rescue from loneliness - to get acquainted in the street or to go to a disco. Moreover, before to get any new acquaintances, it is important to satisfy existing<информационный голод> - differently all other dialogue to this hunger will be subordinated