Female sit-round gathering

Went also anything before itself did not notice. Light burnt, but I in eyes had a full gloom. I have reached a dark corridor and have wearily fallen on a floor, having leant about a wall. Also has begun to roar. Silently, that nobody heard. No, I am not ashamed some the tears, but to cry is was not in my style. I never was the sentimental idiot, but now tears slid at me from eyes. My heart just, washing down with my tears, has eaten, before it having broken off on small slices, the silly blonde.

It was as vision. As a phantom which has casually appeared here, in this office … I looked, not tearing off eyes and not understanding, that occurs. It was a limit of my dreams. An ideal of which I always dreamt.
And suddenly this ideal has looked at me. And at once has taken away a sight. Probably, he knew me. Also, as know all associates. I had a reputation of the iron lady. Clever, severe, cynical, are those adjectives which to me applied more often. Basically, it even was pleasant to me. So it was easier.

But now this reputation has played with me a malicious joke.

Having decided to forget about «the hero of my dreams» I have collected textbooks and have tried to leave an office more easy as more as possible.

********************

Tomorrow morning I have again seen it.

It was the present torture. But I have resisted from desire to approach and kiss it or to touch its hair.

Heart was jammed in a breast, but by me, having collected all rests of pride, firm step have passed about it. He at all has not looked. Has touched.

*********************

I with impatience waited for each holiday and each disco at our school.

Because there there was it. Throughout half a year I observed of it, sometimes met in corridors, and with each meeting I lost the steady earth underfoot more and more. I hated myself for the weakness and madly loved it. I was ready to give for it a life, but he about it at all did not suspect. I recollected its each sight, each movement... Also fell in love even more strongly.

I could not any more so.

But anything else to me does not remain.

The passion flame in my soul with each sight inflamed all more strongly …

If not this ill-fated disco.

When slow dance has begun, it has suddenly gone in a direction to me. I have stood, and the secret hope has lodged in heart. Between us there was one step when it has turned aside. The thin thread of hope has broken suddenly, as a violin string. It has passed by. And has then invited all known shalavu, the little girl with white hair … And I saw, how he smiled to it, and then they kissed. On a kind at all. On heart the knife has slipped. The stupid not ground knife which with force pressed on heart, trying to cut it half-and-half. It became very sick. In eyes has darkened.

************

Now I sit at this damned wall and to a roar. Then I rise and I go to a free office, I sit down on a school desk and I look out of the window. Behind a window it is snowing, but at me before eyes on-porezhnemu only one. I again and again represent myself on a place of the silly blonde.

The door suddenly opens, but I do not turn around at all. I hear a sound of coming nearer steps, someone has approached to me.

- What happens?

To me there was all the same who it, I at all did not think of that, the little girl or the boy costs at me behind the back. I simply wished to be uttered. I have told everything, that long time was stored at me in a shower …

- It is impossible so strongly to love the person …

My interlocutor seems to me did not trust.

- Probably, - I persistently objected.

- And can you it is simple touches what he does not pay to you attention?

- I do not know, - to me now had obviously no time for such questions.

- But you should know! – the interlocutor was persevering.

- Yes I not … - I have turned and have fallen asleep stop short. Before me there was it. My ideal. Me has slowly started to reach, that I all it has stated to IT. To breathe it became difficult. Heart was hammered in a mad rhythm. On a body the shiver has run. I do not know, how I have not fainted from an overabundance of feelings, probably all the matter is that all was very quickly and unexpectedly. The soil has left from under feet and I have slowly fallen on a floor. I hardly understood, that he speaks. I was reached only by scraps of phrases:

- I was frightened … I did not know … have turned in other party … it to me I am not necessary … wanted … could not … at everyone there are lacks … forgive … ideals does not exist …

I sat, as in a fog. He has kissed me. Both again. And again. And again. I have answered …

****************

A month later we have left.